He's laughing because he's a God among pubes.
Al-right, al-right, al-right – you know the drill:
- If you are new to the site, read the FFT Mission Statement before proceeding.
- If you like stuff that is awesome, check out FFT’s back page, Florida Watch!!!
They're baaaaaack ...
Now let’s get down to Blackitude!
[Those of you who do not know about FFT's favorite black family can fall in love with them here and here]
Shirley, Shondra McHugeboobs, Creepy Chef Kid and the whole gang of white-smiting awesomeness shine through my living room like the bright lights of the pearly gates, themselves, as we learn the identity of their opponents …
Fat, indoor-sunglassed and stupid is no way to go thorugh life, son.
… The Jenewine family – The Great White Twits – for those of you who cannot interpret team names, they are white and look super lame.
Allow me to explain something to those of you who may not be familiar with Western American Unoriginal Wannabe Douche Behavior by pointing out a common phenomena that the Twits have brought to the table, today – right in line with the shaved head/chinstrap beard combo and, in fact, almost always executed by such fellows – wearing sunglasses in situations where sunglasses are not usually worn.
This is often illustrated when a male wedding party does so during the ceremony (often white sunglasses accompanied by the Air Jordan-esque sneaker/tuxedo combination).
Settle in – Twits vs. Blackitude … I fucking love it!
O’Hurley’s tie is the color of … really shiny sex with a high class hooker … I think you can find it at Lowe’s if you are looking to paint your bedroom in an original shade.
Now, Blackitude looked better last time, but still pulled a BHBFFMA – can they break through to the promised land, where no black family has ever been (at least not that the Feudman has seen)?
No, Shondra – he didn't ask you to point to where most of your brain cells are.
Bullseye Round Comedic Occurrences of Note:
- Oh, sweet Shondra, she of the McHugeboobs – asked to name a service that someone performs on you when you are sitting down, our light chocolate muse buzzes in, points to her chest … hesitates and exclaims, “tonsils … look at your tonsils.” I’m speechless (Shondra never lets us down).
You better recognize, boy – you've been touched by the hand of supreme awesomeness.
- As if Shondra’s answer weren’t reason enough to smile, the goofy kid on the GW Twits grins like the cat that ate the canary and exclaims, “lap dance,” to much laughter, fanfare and a playful, “how dare you steal my thunder as the Feud’s standing libertine-about-town” face slap/wry grin/chuckle combination from O’Hurley. Well done, kid – didn’t think you had it in you (answer was, of course, “haircut,” but I am still reeling at the fact that the kid threw away an answer for the sake of humor – I have never seen that … maybe the Twits are for real).
- Creepy Chef Kid solidifies the racial stereotype that black people prize almost nothing more than clothing/footwear that can be purchased at an athletics store when he responds with, “Foot Locker” after being asked to name the place that 100 men most likely stated as their #1 desired store from which to win a $1000 gift certificate.
- If the racial implications of CCK’s answer weren’t hilarious enough, the kid from the Twits says, “Ski Chalet” – black people like athletic shorts and shoes/white people like skis and North Face products – which further exacerbates awesome racial stereotypes, thus accomplishing the constantly obvious goal of Family Feud’s production team (answer was “Best Buy”).
Great White Twits going for $19K and Blackitude nailed the $5,000 bullseye at the last second and is now playing for $20,000 for the second time in a row.
100 people surveyed, top seven answers on the board – name a city where lots of rich people live …
Great White Twits: “L.A.” (#1), “Miami” (#3), “New York” (#2), “Seattle” (strike – the stupidity of this answer seems glaring at its onset, but the Feudman points out that, since the Twits are from suburban California, and most people in the West tend not to possess knowledge of anything outside of a two-three state radius, Seattle is actually the correct answer when viewed in the prism of Common West Coast Stupidity), “London” (strike – actually a good answer, but you can’t count on the American people to think beyond our borders, as we are a nation of mindless simpletons), “Palm Springs” (strike – Common West Coast Stupidity rears it’s ugly head again).
Blackitude, doing what they do best and going for the steal: “The Hamptons” (strike – you can’t expect a random black family from L.A. to know that the term The Hamptons refers to both the towns of Southampton and East Hampton and is, hence, not the name of a town … wait for it).
Other Answers: “Las Vegas” (#4), “Philly” (#5), “Palm Beach” (#6), “SF” (#7)
GWT: 78, Blackitude: 0
100 people surveyed, top seven on the board – name something you might compare a bald guy’s head to …
Shirley will sass your face off and then give you a fierce, "MMM-HMMM!"
Blackitude: “bowling ball” (#1 – Shondra! A #1! Baby’s all grownsed up!), “8-ball” (#2 – Shirley here, looking extra frightening in some sort of checked peacoat-type thing), “crystal ball” (#6), “snow globe” (strike – I have never met a bald guy whose head was supported by only a one-to-two inch wooden base, but, hey, he could be out there), “egg” (#5), “basketball” (#4), “baseball” (strike), “a sphere” (strike – CCK with a doozie, here … I’m impressed that he even knows the word “sphere” … not yet).
Great White Twits for the steal: “light bulb” (strike)
Other answers: “beach ball” (#3), “baby’s bottom” (#7)
GWT: 78, Blackitude: 156
100 people surveyed, top seven on the board – name a food that is better when it is homemade …
He pleases your loins on a daily basis, America – you can't give him cookies? Really?
GWT: “lasagna” (#1), “cookies” (strike – O’Hurley is so devastated by this omission that I am pretty sure he almost walked off set … hosting the Feud must make an urbane raconteur such as O’Hurley despise the American public with the zeal of Vladimir Putin), “cake” (#3), “pizza” (strike – O’Hurley sports a “someone just farted and may be dying inside” facial expression that leads me to believe that he hates this response almost as much as he hates the American people), “hamburger” (#7), “Mexican food” (strike – this would be an especially good answer if A) the Feud only surveyed in California; and B) the surveys were in Spanish).
When your response ilicits this response from O'Hurley, it's probably suicide time.
Team Blackitude for the steal and THE WIN: “apple pie” (#2 – Blacks win! Blacks win! Blacks win!)
And Team Blackitude helps to further destroy FFT’s theory on black aptitude for the Feud by doing what it does best – losing the faceoff and taking the steal.
Great White Twits: 78, Team Blackitude: 291
… but wait, they didn’t hit 300 … which means, SUDDEN DEATH!
["soup," "bread," potato salad" were #4-#6, btw]
Seattle kid vs. CCK – an epic showdown of incomprehension …
Top answer only, 100 people surveyed – name a part of your body that you might have to put drops in …
CCK: “eyes” (#1)
BHBFFMA on the way!
Team Blackitude playing for $20,000
Contestant #1: Shondra (her 60-spot on ‘tude’s first day obviously impressed them enough to try her again … tonsils!)
Name something your spouse might get mad at you for leaving on all night: “Water” (0)
Name a birthday that people consider to be the big one: “21″ (19)
Name something that’s hard to do without a mirror: “Makeup” (32)
Name a flavor of Jello: “Lime” (5 – Shondra only said this because, at one point when she was nine, Shirley served her lime Jello and grape drink for 28 straight meals … you waited for it so patiently, my Weekly Racist Comment That Likely Seals My Fate in Hell)
Name something you’d see in a pinball machine: “the ball” (48)
Points: 104 (not very BHBFFMA of you, Shondra … history may be in the making …)
Contestant #2: ‘tude Mom
Name something your spouse might get mad at you for leaving on all night: “television” (36)
Name a birthday that people consider to be the big one: “50″ (26 … building to it)
Name something that’s hard to do without a mirror: “comb your hair” (16)
Name a flavor of Jello: “cherry” (you can cut the tension with a knife … 20 – AND THE HARSH CHAINS OF OPPRESSION HAVE BEEN TORN OFF AND REPLACED WITH DOLLA-DOLLA BILLS, Y’ALL!!!)
Name something you’d see in a pinball machine: “the flippers” (DOESN’T MATTER!!!)
WE HAVE OVERCOME!!!
Points: 202
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
And I'm black, y'all!
If only Nat X were here to see this … I’m spent.
Feud … done.
O'Hurley offers you a closing, BHBFFMA-crushing fist bump ... then he tells you that he banged your girlfriend ... sorry, dude.
