Hello, John – it's me, the Feudman ...
Wait, so you thought that I would leave the All Whites alone?
Are you mad?
They sang a song about themselves and are led by an instant FFT legend and one of history’s greatest cheesedicks – Ricky the Song-Singing Ignoramus.
I couldn’t let Ricky’s epic and undying faggotry lie, friends … it just wouldn’t be ethical from the perspective of a grown man who spends his days blogging about Family Feud.
One announcement is necessary before we proceed – with the stress of writing this blog in one day and the realization that most of you do not read the whole thing due to its severe length, I will now be releasing the blog in three parts (intro-through-bullseye, actual game play, Fast Money) on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoons.
What this means to you is that you can check FFT for new content four days a week, since you know you’ll be moseying over on Friday afternoons to be earfucked by FLORIDA WATCH!!!
Not only that, but these posts will be significantly less daunting to consume when chopped in to three parts, because, hey, your Feudman looks out for you and your infant-like attention span.
For those of you who don’t know the drill – read the damned Mission Statement before proceeding with this or any other FFT post and let’s play the friggin’ Feud already.
Blam!
Ricky has a secret ... he pooped his pants ... again.
Ok, so you know the feared/possibly mentally handicapped All Whites – now on to their second day – but let’s see who they’re playing … egads, it’s a white family!
This insane development has rocked your Feudman to his very core … it’s chaos … can I even pay attention to this episode?
Where’s my usual race war?
Ok, ok … I can do this … they’re just messing with me … everything will be ok … we’ll just act like the other family is black … how am I gonna come up with anything racist to say?
I’ll figure it out – What Would O’Hurley Do?
He’d throw on a tuxedo, bind/gag/trap his next door neighbor in a closet and then make him listen in agony as he seduces and pleasures the man’s wife, that’s what.
So, let’s get on with this bitch.
That. Just. Happened.
The other white family is the Stevenson family, btw – The Flaming White Bag of Shit (which is what they were to me when I saw they were not black).
Let’s go!
Franks and beans, franks and beans ...
Bullseye Round Comedic Occurrences of Note:
- Shockingly, Ricky looks like an absolute moron.
- Just when I got worried that the mindless boobishness of Ricky’s affect would be the only humorous aspect of the bullseye round (and just when I also worried that a battle between two white families would be low on amusing answers), All Whites All-Star, Fat Diane, responded to O’Hurley’s $5,000 prompt to “name a country that has a large population with, “Europe!” … we could be in for an interesting day, friends (answer: China) … O’Hurley’s post-strike reaction, “that’s … not … quite … a country.”
Oh John, you cad.
[END OF PART 1]
